New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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