I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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