My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
