Tell her she can't have a vagina
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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