dude i'm inner monologue high
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
