I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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