why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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