if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
