Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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