i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
