well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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