rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
