whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
