i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
