im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
