last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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