Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dicks are not precious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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