I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
