boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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