Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
