What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
