Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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