think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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