So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
