so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
