I hate your face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
