im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
