There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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