those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
