hotel room ftw
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
