Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
