Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
