He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
