Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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