My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
