I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
