return my video game
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
