i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
