Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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