The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
