You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
