I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
