She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A+ Viking dick
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
