so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
