I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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