We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
