I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
