Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
