Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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