I think my vagina is haunted
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
