You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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