Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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