Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
