i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
