Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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