I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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