Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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