i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
