I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You need Xanax blowdarts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
