oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
