Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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